BrickGals

“If there’s one thing it doesn’t leave to be desired, it’s lots of giant fake boobs.”

Yup, after leaving the Lucky Clover last Tuesday, that could have been my thought exactly.  (Truth be told though it wasn’t the first thing that crossed my mind but rather something a male* friend pointed out later in the week.)

Although large breasts has been a common thread among my discussions RE: the new bar, boobies aren’t the only thing the Lucky Clover has gone over the top on (a list which also includes ass, lights, decor and prices, to name a few).  If Brickell was a neighborhood in Texas (no offense!), the Lucky Clover just might work.  Too bad bigger isn’t better here, and not all good comes to those who wait (I mean seriously how long were we waiting for the Lucky Clover to grace us with its presence??).

Why so many lights??

After living in Dublin for six months back in college (which obviously qualifies me to rank the authenticity of claimed Irish establishments), the only similarities I found from bar to bar were crappy wooden floors, some hot guys with sexy accents and dim lit beer halls.  Unfortunately, sans Irish accents available at Fado, Lucky Clover wants to light up the entire neighborhood, deck every inch of the walls with gaudy signs and hike up their prices to replicate the fuckin Euro.  Not to mention, I (and I’m sure every single person that has stepped foot into the place) have visually assaulted the female staff.

I’m actually physically embarrassed (ok, so, my friends say I have nakey phobia) to see bartenders in skirts so short that their black undies look like their actually meant to be hanging out and corsets that strangle one’s boobs up to the ceiling.  I mean, this isn’t Scarletts.  The corsets look soo tight that they may replicate those of the Victorian era and could quite frankly break some ribs (imagine a cross between a bad BIP and Blue Martini).

Now on to the F & B, the main reason one heads to a watering hole.  At the Clover, I ordered the fish & chips.  I’m a huge fan of fried anything (yes, inner fat chick is back), and the name fish & chips normally tricks my brain into thinking its really not that bad for me… Its a light white fish, right?  Wrong.  Well, while the petite salad and mini side of green peas were both quite good, both the fish and the fries were a little dense and salty.  I often choose fried fish as opposed to chicken fingers because its normally lighter, so I was a wee bit disappointed.  Positive note: the fish and chips platter ($15) was a a pretty good size dish (i mean we’ve seen the general trend here…).  And the beverages, well, the only difference I can point out from other bars in the hood RE: the beer is that the bartender really had an extremely difficult time filling a cup without 3/4 of it being foam (i’m sure it was the tap…).  I had a fellow BrickGal check out the place this weekend, and she reported back that a vodka soda splash of pineapple came back over 12 bucks short of the vodskie.

And then there were the jams… when I went on a Tuesday happy hour, it seemed like Elvis Duran was running the beats… slacking. A compadre hit up the place later in the night when he said a cover band took the stage around 11. 11??? on a work night???  According to another Yelp reviewer, “the night [she] went was fantastic…Local one-man-band solo act that was very impressive.”  Prove it!!!  The site also mentions “Celia Cruz and Bachata”… WTF? Who the hell are they/it/wtf?

As one Yelp member put it, “This is where pub meets club.” uh no thanks joker… keep your South Beach stripper clothes for LIV on special occasions.  (that fella, who rated the place 5 YELP STARS!, also said “there is definitely a demand for [trivia] in Brickell.” go home guy, point made.)

Although I have some strong negative opinions, I did reallly really enjoy this shot made with Goldschlager so I may give the Clover, which opened just last Monday in the Axis, the benefit of the doubt and test it out again in a couple weeks.  That’s a big maybe though so if you’ve had any experience over the past week, positive or negative, please share so we’re all equally informed.

*It is important to note the gender of the speaker so all you guys don’t think I’m hatin’ on some hotties.

Tags: brickell bars, Brickell irish pub, Lucky Clover